10 Weeks

Today I don't know how I'm writing this because I am currently a zombie.  I hit a wall this week with everything, and all I feel like doing is laying in bed.  I am a mix of emotions and feel like yelling or crying at any second.  I think the "wall" is driving me nuts, causing me to get down on myself for not having more energy to do anything, and it's making me crazy.  I had to just stop this week, and give into the madness.  So, here it is, my 10 week photo (never mind the flesh hanging off, the white skin and the hanging open mouth - get it, I'm a zombie!):

  

It's not time for new clothes for me yet, but I have been doing the button/rubber band trick for a couple of weeks now.  My pants still fit, but it just feels tight on my belly and I don't like it so this makes it feel better.  Some of my zippers like to unzip even with the rubber band, so this makes for a fun day at school when I get to keep zipping them up.  I have a bunch of old jeans from when I was bigger (140 pounds at one time) so hopefully I won't have to buy new clothes for awhile.

 

I am sleeping better, I sleep through the whole night so that's fun.  I'm still super sweaty though.  But this week, when I wake up, I am just as tired as when I went to bed and go through the whole day this tired, that's the zombie part.  I feel like I'm going through the motions but not really doing anything.  This weekend was better, felt more rested, but the weeks just fly by and I feel like I am just a part of the action, not really contributing.  I hate working, I wish it was summer already!

I feel different this week then I have as of yet.  I've been tired before but have just kept going, and it has worked.  This week, when I'm tired, I can't do anything.  Nothing sounds fun and working out is the last thing on my mind.  I have been reading some pregnancy blogs and all the women say that when you're tired, rest, don't try to fight it.  I've been wondering why this tiredness that everyone speaks of, the kind you can't fight through, hasn't happened to me - but this week it finally came.  I only did yoga once, with the kids, and walked once on the treadmill.  Yesterday I did Body by Bethenny on my own and it was tough, I really had to work at it.  Yoga is getting harder and harder and I wonder if I will be able to do it up until the end.  I hope these ladies are right, I hope that in 2 more weeks (after February 4th!) I get a second wind and feel more like doing things (come on 2nd trimester!).  Then, maybe I can get back into it.  I know it has only been a week, but feeling like this makes me feel not like myself and it's a bit depressing.  Makes me want to sleep even more when I think about it, I'm exhausted.  Ugh.

Um, and my chest is killing me (sorry if it's TMI).  The girls hurt when I walk, do yoga and when I take my bra off.  (And let me just tell you, when I take my bra off it's like they just bounce out!)  I have always been one of those people who comes home and takes her bra off right away, to get comfy, but this week it's actually more comfy with it on.  When I started doing bikram I actually went down a size, so this week I tried on my old, bigger bras to see if they fit yet.  Not yet, but I have a feeling they will soon.

The headaches started this week too and my face is back to its same old thing.  It cleared up for a bit and now it's back, I look and feel like a teenager (another reason to just stay in bed and not go anywhere).  I've also been having crazy dreams and have now felt kind of yucky at night after I eat dinner.  I haven't thrown up, but it's the time I feel yucky now.  I've been wearing my Sea Bands at night but the one on my right wrist makes my wrist actually fall asleep, look at the marks they leave!  These really seem to help me though, and the candied ginger.  When I really feel sick, I chow some of those and the taste alone peps me back up.  

Ian also said I have been really "scratchy" this week which means I'm being snotty.  I think the laziness, the tiredness, the headaches, the no energy and the breakouts make me feel so down I just react and it comes out snotty.  He has been so nice to me, but I HAVE felt super snotty lately.  Hormones, sometimes they just come out.  I will work on it, but hopefully this too shall pass soon.

I also have noticed my pregnancy brain this week.  One day, we came home from school and all the dogs were out.  I totally just put them in the kitchen and forgot to shut the gate.  Another day, I came in from running an errand, and the back door was wide open.  I don't remember leaving it open, but there it was.  I also yelled at some kids at school and went to post it on Facebook 2 minutes later, and forgot what I had said to them!  But, the biggest blunder was when I stuck a napkin in the oven to move a pan and it lit on fire, I had to blow it out!  Then, that same night, I poured some olive oil in a small cup and used a spatula to put it on some raw chicken (double dipping and all), then poured what was left of the oil in the cup, back in the container without even a second thought.  A whole $16 container of olive oil from Cotsco, ruined. 

The best part of this week, other than my amazing husband, happened one night while I was trying to fall asleep.  I felt little bubbles in my lower tummy.  I put my hand there and it felt like little taps, like popcorn popping.  I haven't really had gas (TMI again!) so I don't think that was it, but there they were little taps on my lower left stomach.  I looked online to see if 10 weeks was too soon to feel this, but lots of women said they felt something like that, in the exact same place.  I even called Ian in and put his hand there and he felt it too.  So crazy!  Is that you blueberry?  I hope so.

Aside from my real bed, I LOVE my "second bed" on the couch.  If you have slept on our couches, like so many have, you know that they are super comfy.  Before I found out I was pregnant, I left my spot (of 3+ years) on the big couch and made a little nest on the other side, on the little couch.  When we found out I was pregnant, it kind of made sense why I made this comfy spot, my body must have known.  Well, it has become my permanent spot (maybe until I can't lay on my back anymore) and I am in love with it.  Makes me happy.  (Oh, and those muffins?  They make me happy too, aren't they just so cute?!)

 

So, that's it.  Sorry for the kind of depressing post but that's how I'm feeling this week.  I know it will pass, I just feel stuck in a rut.  This helps, and so do those foot rubs Ian gives me.  Feeling better already!

Oh and one more thing - I went to my friend at school, Elise's, bachelorette party last night.  For those who don't know, I have worked at my school for 7 years now and just in the past couple of years, have I made any friends.  When I started, I was the youngest person there (by 10+ years or something crazy) and no one would talk to me or was nice to me.  Then, a couple of years ago, younger people started showing up and I loved it.  Now, I have a few girlfriends at school, whom I love, and even though I don't have a lot of time to see them during the week, I really am happy that they are there, they make my job that much more fun.  Thanks Elise for always coming to yoga and brightening our class, your friendship means so much!  Hope you had a fun night (this pregnant lady had to go home early)!

(Meghan, my fellow Department Chair.  Thanks for commiserating with me and always listening!)

 

(Outlaws.  The guy in the poster looks like he's in our pic!  Thanks Jenny for the western shirt!)

UPDATE:  I wrote this post (above) Saturday night and then waited to post it until we took our weekly belly pic on Sunday.  So, I just wanted to add some things from today.  

Spent a lovely day with my mom, Joe, Nani and Ian today, it was much needed mom time for me.  I'm feeling better, not so down, and had fun visiting with my mom and Nani.  We ate good old-fashioned Italian spaghetti dinner, homemade cookies and lemon bars and went to Target to try on maternity clothes for the very first time.  Tried on some jeans with the big elastic belly band, but am not ready for those yet, so settled on a pair with just a bit of an elastic waist at the sides.  Not the fabric band, just a regular waist but it's stretchy, so has some room to grow.  They are super comfy and I'm so happy I got them, they are really cute.  Two 20 something girls even came up to me when I had them on outside the dressing room and told me they were cute.  I told them they were maternity jeans and they were like, "No way, they are so cute!  You are pregnant?  You don't look it!"  And I told them I loved them.  Ian said he ran into them as they were walking away and heard them say, "I hope I fall in love and have a baby one day," so freaking cute.  Made my day.

As much as it seems like I'm complaining on here, I promise I'm not.  I write how I'm really feeling so that other ladies searching for pregnancy blogs (like me!) can hear the real story from someone going through it, and also so I can look back and remember how I felt during certain times.  I think it will be helpful to read both the good and bad days, and helpful to others too.  I would not trade what is happening in my life for anything, even when I have bad days/weeks.  I am so very happy to be growing this little blueberry, it is beyond words, no matter how I'm feeling.

So, there you have it.  Felt crappy all week and last night, felt better today and that's just how it goes.  The ups and downs of this journey, makes it exciting!