21 Weeks & Memorializing a Friend

This week was super fun because I only had to work two days!  The other two days I was with my mom, and some other teachers from my school, at a conference in Phoenix.  It was nice being away from school but it was a lot of sitting at the conference for almost 7 hours a day, my butt got sore and it was tough to just sit, being pregnant and all.

Speaking of, my hip has really started to hurt this week.  I looked it up and think it is probably hip bursitis from learning to sleep on my sides most of the night.  (Think about it - you sleep on your sides, yes, but you take a break on your back and your stomach sometimes too, so just sleeping on your sides forces your body to do weird things.)  So, I read up on it and found out a few things:  Get a softer mattress, put a pillow not only between your knees but one that runs the length of your whole leg from your knee to your ankle and don't cross your ankles when laying on your side while you sleep.  I have the most comfy, soft mattress and mattress pad in the world so I knew that couldn't be the problem.  I started sleeping with a pillow between my knees running the length of my lower leg, and that didn't seem to help so I bought a Snoogle (after reading online that this was the best pregnancy pillow to get).  Now, I'm trying out and can't really tell if it's working or not.  I have also been doing some yoga poses - happy baby, pigeon pose and squats to see if that helps, as well as walking more often than I was.  The pain in your hip, with this, is super far in there, it's like you can't reach it to rub it or anything and it only hurts when you get up from sitting, walk for a long time or when you first wake up.  It's like a stiff, sour pain in your hip and it's almost like it renders your leg useless for a split second, and makes you feel really pregnant and really old.  Ha!

I don't mean to complain but I thought I'd write about it in case someone else is having the same issue.  My friends that have been pregnant remember a pain like this so I think it's pretty common.  I'm just trying to find a solution for it!  I will keep you posted on how my Snoogle works or if I send it back to get a different kind of pillow because this one is kind of hard to get in and out of the bed with (especially with your growing belly!)!  I also read that a memory foam mattress pad helps or maybe just a pillow under the hip that hurts while you are laying on that side.  I was thinking that maybe just two body pillows would be better because then I could at least lay my head on my own pillow, but I don't know yet.  I will give the Snoogle maybe a couple more nights to see if it helps.

This week was also full of lots of kicks and jabs from our little girl.  I think I'm getting used to it because I don't notice it as much as I used to, or maybe I've just been really busy.  I even had a dream the other night that she woke me up kicking me but I'm not sure if it really happened or not.  The following night though, when I woke up to pee, there she was kicking around at about 4:30am.  They say that when they come out they wake up at the same time they did when they were in the womb so we shall see!  My mom came over on Saturday morning to help me clean the living room and the whole time I was moving around, I didn't feel her at all.  My mom said it was because I was moving and that puts her to sleep, or I'm just busy and am not paying attention, and it was true - the minute I sat down, I felt her again.  Christine and Espen came over afterwards (to show me Christine's new car!) and helped me clean my room and bathroom while Ian organized all of the cords behind the entertainment center - it was awesome!  I am so thankful for such wonderful family and friends - the den and living room are now officially cleaned out and organized and my room is spotless (Ian even dusted the walls and ceiling)!  We took another load to Goodwill and put some more things in an attic box and next weekend my dad is coming over to help with the kitchen - we are on our way and I am feeling less cluttered every day!  I love it!

This weekend we headed out to the desert to memorialize our little blueberry.  As I told you before, Ian has been struggling for over a year with the death of our first baby and so he and his parents decided that a memorial for him/her would help to heal him, a place for him to leave all of his pain and start to move on.  I think that this blog has helped me move on and also a birthday celebration on the day that would have been his/her birth day.  Also, I have had to be positive during this second pregnancy because you don't want to dwell on the past when you are trying to grow your second little baby, you have to stay happy and think of the future instead of the past, even though you never forget.  It's ok to remember but after a point you have to stop and know that this is a new experience and can't be compared to the past.

On Sunday morning we met Ian's parents, his brother, sister-in-law, sister and our nephew out at their family's grave site to bury some of Ian's things that he made for or wrote about the blueberry.  It was a beautiful memorial, Ian and his Dad dug the hole, his mom and Dad said prayers and we all sang "Amazing Grace" while his Dad played the guitar.  I think Ian really needed this, as well as his family, and I am happy that we all went out and did it together.  He has been so sad for so long, hopefully this will be an opportunity to remember and then move on, looking towards a brighter future.  He will be writing his own blog post, on here, about his experience this year with my pregnancies, and I think it will be so beneficial for other fathers to read so that they can heal too.  It will be a long time coming and he will have so many insightful things to say, he is an amazing writing, I so look forward to you reading his thoughts.  Check back for it soon.

(It is gorgeous on their land.)

 

(Reggie wanted to help dig so badly!)

(Ian put in the letter that he wrote to blueberry, two kachinas that he carved and some other notes he wrote about the experience.  I put in my hospital bracelets. I tried and tried to find my two pregnancy tests but I think I threw them away when I found out I was pregnant again, didn't want them in the house anymore.)

 

(Blueberry's marker is at the head of Ian's grandmother's grave.)

(The first kachina he made, last year, when I was pregnant and we didn't know it yet.  She fell off the counter when we lost the baby and just before we put her in the car on Sunday, she fell again and her head broke off.  I glued it back on but it was very strange, it was like she was ready to be the marker for the baby's memorial in the desert and not be in the house anymore.)

(Afterwards we went to Denny's and I got to sit across from Reggie!)