Song of the Week #4

Yes, I realize I skipped last week and didn't post a song.  I was sick for most of the week and didn't really have the energy to get up and listen to music.  I wasn't inspired, that's it, and I didn't want to post something just because.  So, I apologize for skipping a week!

But, this week, I'm back at it and there is only one song that I keep singing over and over in my head and it's "You Are My Sunshine."  I am doing this February Photo a Day thing on Instagram (follow me: @allisonpants) and yesterday my subject was supposed to be "sun" (although all day I thought it was "sunshine" - but same thing).  So, I knew, since we were going to get our ultrasound, that I would have lots of pictures of baby and that is what I wanted to post as my sunshine yesterday.  So, of course, I kept singing all day in my head:

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine.
You make me happy when skies are gray.
You'll never know dear, how much I love you.
Please don't take my sunshine away.

And yep, I usually post all of the lyrics and the song/video here - but have you listened to all of the lyrics to this song?  I thought it was a happy song, all these years until today, but it's actually a sad song!  Who knew?!  So, instead of posting all the words, I thought I would just post the lyrics that apply, above, and keep you in the dark about the real song, like I was.  Believe me, you're better off this way.  ;)

Whenever I go to the OB she asks me how I am and I always say, "fine."  Then she says, "What about heartburn?"  And I say, "Oh yeah, I have that."  And she says, " What about leg cramps?"  And I say, "Yep, I have those too."  So then she asks me why do I always say I'm "fine" when I actually have all of the normal pregnancy symptoms?  I thought about this, after last month's visit and realized it's because I am fine.  Compared to what I've been through, me and the baby are totally fine and we really have nothing major to report.  None of that stuff she mentions is any big deal and all of it is stuff we can handle.  So when she asks me how I am, all I really have to say is that I'm "fine."

It's just like this placenta thing.  I had a small freak out yesterday (when Einstein bit my cheek and I started crying right before bed because I thought we were friends), and realized it was because I feel so great and am totally fine all of the time, and am not really worried anymore.  I was so excited about yesterday, so so happy to see our baby.  And then, when I heard about my placenta vs. cervix (that's what I'm calling it now), I felt gloomy again, for no reason.  I was still fine, baby was still fine, everything was still ok - we were just warned that this was where my placenta was, for now, and that it will need to be checked again later on.  But, it was like a dark cloud came over me and threw me right back into worrying and being sad again, just like last year.  Why?  Why did I let this news, that the OB wasn't at all concerned about and didn't place any restrictions on us because of, ruin my day?  My lovely time?  Why can't I shake thinking about it?  Is it just the mom in me, a constant worrier?

So, I have decided to not let it bother me.  I am FINE and everything is OK and I am happy and healthy and so is the lemon.  Thank God that Ian is amazing and always calms me down, brings me back to reality, and makes me feel comfy again; I would be lost without him.  And I am happy to report that today I am more at peace and am definitely feeling better, nothing has changed so why was I so worried?  It's like Ian said, we have learned so much from the blueberry, we have gotten so wise and we have realized that we can't control everything and this is something else we have no control over.  All we can do is stay positive, think happy thoughts, pray and keep on truckin' and growing this lemmy big and healthy.  So that's what I am going to do, that will be my job for the next 5 months, and that is all I am going to worry about.

So, in short, when you ask me how I'm doing with all of this - the only answer you will get from me from now on is that "I am fine."  And now you know what it means - it means that we are doing our best, moving along, not worrying or stressing about anything because that's all we can do.  That is the best we've got, all we've got to give and just how it has to be.  :)