Dear Lemon (from Daddy)

From the moment of our first pregnancy in December 2010, we were happy and overjoyed that we were going to become parents.  We put everything into that baby, all of our hopes and dreams and then in January it was taken away from us.  In November 2011 we became pregnant again, but this time it was different; we were more cautious and it has been hard to connect, knowing how fast it could all be gone.  It has been unfair to our Lemon (and has caused me many moments of guilt), but it never meant we loved her any less.  We were just wiser and more hesitant, but knew in our hearts that this was our baby's spirit come back to us, and that this time she would be healthy and we would eventually get to hold her in our arms.  This letter has been a long time coming and it is the first either one of us has written to our baby girl.  We hope to continue this, even after she's born, so she can look back and know just how excited we were to meet her and experience life with her.  This one is from her Daddy . . .

Dear Lem,  

It’s been . . . 8 months of science . . . 240 days of anatomy and . . . 5,760 hours of human development.  Proteins for your body, and folic acids for your brain, Conception, embryo, fetus, ultrasound, placenta, glucose . . . brain has developed, spine is strong, 10 fingers 10 toes, you are coming along.  I have been obsessive and scientific and . . . I have been missing out.  Let me explain. 

The path to parenthood has been mountainous.  We have traveled the tallest peaks and the lowest valleys.  Sometimes we get to the top of one mountain and all we can see are more mountains.  Sometimes it feels like we can’t find our way down and sometimes we can’t find the way up.  Sometimes we climb together, sometimes we climb alone.  Your mom has waited for me at the top of my mountains, and I have waited at the bottom of hers.  Every mountain has been a lesson and every valley is a time for reflection.  Now, hand in hand, we climb our final mountain and we see you waiting at the top.  :)

A week ago I woke up, ready for the day’s climb.  (Each day we make it up the mountain just a little bit more, getting closer and closer to you.)  I put my hand on mommy’s belly, and you kicked.  Normally when you kick, it’s just a kick - but this time was different.  This time was electric! From your heart to your foot, through mommy’s tummy, and into my hand, you sent me a message.  It made my heart jump, and my eyes close tight.  In that instant I watched a path blaze through the darkest forest and I finally knew where I need to go.  I opened my eyes and realized that in that instant I had become a different person.  I gently pushed back on mom’s tum to let you know I was there and you kicked again, and for 5 amazing minutes we sent messages to each other.  When my time comes, and I look back on life, this will be the moment I became a daddy.

So this is it.  We’re almost to the top of the last mountain on our way to becoming parents.  I’m ready to be your Daddy, little lemon. I’m ready to sing you songs and read you books. I’m ready to put bows in your hair, give you snuggles and watch movies on Saturday mornings.  Your body has grown and my days of science and worry were good for that, but now it’s time for me to start acting like your dad.  I’m going to work my hardest over these next few weeks to let you know that there is so much to our world.  I love you so much already and I’m feeling so lucky to be able to climb this last mountain with your mom . . . I can’t wait for you to start climbing mountains with us.

Love,

Daddy