Lemon's First Month

(The sticker is from Etsy - isn't it just PERFECT?!)

Wow, a month already!  Ugh, our little girl is getting so big.  So far I've had to retire one outfit, only one, but it was a sad, sad day.  Her 0-3 month stuff is fitting better (and is easier to get on over her big head!) then her newborn stuff.  I will be really sad when all of her newborn clothes stop fitting.  It doesn't seem like she's growing, I can only see it in her face, but I know she is because she is getting heavier! 

At her one month doctor's visit she weighed 8 pounds, 12 ounces and measured 20 3/4 inches (she grew a 1/4!).  The doctor said she is around the 40th percentile for weight, height and head size so she is totally proportionate (and perfect if you ask me).  She told me that Lemon was a strong baby, already holding her head up and pushing with her legs (she loves to do this when I'm feeding her).  She also did some weird joint movements and said she is really flexible, and Lemon didn't cry at all so the doctor said she would be good at yoga (right on!).  She has had a diaper rash since she was born (come on cloth diapers - I thought you prevented this!) and now it has developed into a yeast infection so we had to get her prescription diaper cream and a yeast cream to put on when we change her.  Poor baby.

I took the baby to the doctor by myself while Ian cleaned up the back yard.  I am still nervous about taking her out alone - what if I have to change her or feed her?  How do I maneuver that?  I feel like I don't have enough arms/hands!  I hate carrying around that big car seat thing too, I think if I did take her out it would be in the sling.  But babies come with lots of stuff, how will I carry everything and her!  I gotta get over my fear and I have no problem taking her out with other people, I got over that fear a week ago at PF Changs, but alone seems really scary.  I just don't feel like I have the feeding thing down good enough where I can be out and about and have to feed her, although I did it with Ian in the car on the reservation and with Christie in the Target dressing room.  Ugh it's frightening.

How am I feeling?  Well, Ian went back to work this week and yesterday I was alone with the baby for the first time for about 7 hours.  When Ian got home I took off to the grocery store and called my dad and started crying.  Why?  I don't know, I just felt overwhelmed I guess.  Can I really do this?  How am I supposed to get anything done if I'm always holding/feeding/changing her?  I can't complain, really, because she sleeps SO well at night, but during the day she likes to be held, I can't just put her down.  And it seems like she's always hungry.  She will eat, then start her tongue sucking/clicking thing on my nipple, and then cry because she's hungry and then fall asleep and then do it all over again.  I think either she's lazy that my milk stops and she has to suck for it to start again, this is when the clicking starts, or something else is wrong that I don't know about.  We just can't get this nursing thing down, it seems like something always comes up.  A couple of weeks ago something clicked with me and I felt like we got it and were in a rhythm and then all of a sudden she started this clicking thing and now I am at a loss again.  I have googled and googled it and it may be time for me to call the lactation lady again because I have had enough.  I feel like if I could just feed her to her heart's content, without the clicking (that both hurts me, my nipple, and her because she isn't eating just clicking) then we would be good and she wouldn't be so fussy (or seem hungry all the time).  Ugh (again).

But I am feeling great physically.  My lady parts have finally stopped leaking whatever they were leaking and I feel like I could work out although I have 2 weeks left before I'm cleared by my OB (I made the appointment though!).  I am not really that tired during the day because we all sleep really well at night now, but I am just worn out from the feeding issues we are having.  I love being a mom but am constantly feeling like I am failing my little girl, even though she is gaining weight fine (7 ounces a week) and has normal wet/poopy diapers.  I just hate it when she acts hungry, even though I know she isn't, and then I go to feed her and she just clicks, not getting anything.  At night it is the toughest because she eats for a good 2 hours, on and off but mostly on, straight; I think to stock up before she goes to bed.  There were a couple of nights where I got her to sleep at 8:30-9 but the last couple of nights it has been more like 10.  If we put her to bed too soon, and she doesn't get enough to eat (she thinks), then she wakes right back up.  So, it is the perfect timing of feeding her and then putting her to bed, and that time from like 7-10 is really rough on me, because I just don't have a minute to breathe.  And then the clicking starts and I know she isn't hungry because she's been eating all night but don't know what to do because I have milk she is just not drinking it (for some reason) so we end up giving her a bottle (of breast milk) and then put her to bed.  I hate it because I pump every morning but would like to try and save that milk for when I go out or if I want to do something, but we end up giving it to her at night because she "forgets" how to suck and just sucks her tongue instead of my nipple.

Can you tell we have issues?  I know every mom has something and I am so lucky to have her and in so many other areas, but this is a place for me to vent - right?  :)

 (39 weeks and 2 days, 1 week post partum, 2 weeks post partum.  Gotta take a recent pic!)

Lemon is sleeping like a champ and that means we are too.  She used to sleep only a couple of hours at a time, and I'd wake her up to feed her, but after she gained back her birth weight I've been letting her sleep and only wake up when I hear her fussing around.  She sleeps in her co-sleeper, but not on the mattress like she should, but in her bouncer instead - yep.  I know this will be a pain when we finally transition her out, but she loves it for now.  She is a super noisy sleeper, even noisier when she was laying flat in her co-sleeper (that's why the bouncer) and I wonder if she has acid reflux.  She hacks, coughs, takes loud breaths that scare me and grunts throughout the night.  The only time she is a quiet sleeper is during the day - go figure.  If she goes to bed at 10, she will sleep about 4-4.5 hours, then eat, then sleep another 4 hours then eat and then she sleeps another 2-3 hours.  It is amazing!  Today I started waking up before her last sleeping feeding so that I could shower and have some "me" time, but I usually just would wake up when she did, around 10am.  That was a mess yesterday though, when I was by myself, so this new system I think will work better (and let me get some stuff done!).  During the day she sleeps a lot and doesn't really have much awake time where she's just hanging out (is this normal?).  She is only really awake to eat and poop and then maybe for about 2 hours total throughout the course of the day.  It seems like when she is awake, though, she is hungry so the only breaks I have are when she's sleeping.  There were a couple of days last week when she was awake almost the whole day, with only little naps, and those were rough days because I felt like I was constantly feeding her.  I am happy she's a good sleeper (for now, I know!) but just wish we had more time with her little eyes open during the day, where she didn't want/need something.  I can't wait for play time on her mat (she isn't into it right now) or being able to hold/talk/cuddle her without her just wanting to eat!

(We have since angled the co-sleeper back more so she's flatter and placed a blanket behind her so that her chin isn't on her chest.  Strange set-up, we know.)

Patty, Ian's mom, came over today to help watch the baby and I got to go to Costco and get some groceries that we've been needing for weeks.  My mom is coming over tomorrow to help too so I'm sure I will get to run a few other errands.  I am so grateful for them, Ian's first week back doesn't seem so tough when I know I won't be alone for all of it!

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There is no way I could possibly blog each week (where do my blog friends find the time?!) so I decided to save all of the weekly posts for this one and then just jumble them all together, if I can remember what we were up to!  I know that our first outing together (just Ian and I) was to Target, while my Dad watched the baby, and it was the first time I took my new boobs, full of milk, out on the town and had exactly two hours to make it back in order to feed the baby (I think this was during her second week).

 

(And Instagram pic I snapped while in the car - it was fun being out, and look at those babies!)

We also took Lemon for a walk around the block that week just to get out of the house (and use our stroller for the first time!).  I only made it around the block once, because of my girly parts (pads suck!), but it was nice getting out.

 

(teeny tiny muffin)

Later that week Ian watched the baby, again for only 2-3 hours during my window of taking the boobs away, while I went out to lunch with my three very best friends - Christine, Christie and Jenny.  We went to the Herb Box and it was DELICIOUS and I had tons of fun with my raspberry mojito and gluten free pork tacos!

(New camera - more on this below!)

We also took Lemon over to Ian's parent's house for the first time to see them and meet her cousin, Reggie and aunt Ashley.  It was too cute watching Reggie interact with her, especially since he has a sister, Selma, on the way in November!

 

(And after, before two of my yoga friends and their husbands came over, we HAD to stop by Bahama Bucks!  Yum!) 

My dad left for Oregon again but before he did he made it over to cook us dinner at least once a week.  He always brought the yummiest, gluten free stuff, and wine - good old wine!  I had so much fun with him here and I always miss him while he's gone.  I think even more now because I will be off for so long and Lemon and I could hang with him if he were here.  He will be back at the end of September so we will still have a month, but I hate it when he's not at home.

I went to a breastfeeding class at Zoolikins (and learned so much, I wish I would have done it BEFORE I had the baby) and was the only one there actually breastfeeding a baby.  I did meet a lot of nice couples, though, and hope to keep in touch with them when they have their babies so we can get together.  Ashley, my sister-in-law, and I also went to a breastfeeding group at Bethany Women's Clinic where we met even more ladies who were struggling with breastfeeding, like me.  It was comforting being in a room surrounded by about 15 other women who were also having trouble, it made me feel like I wasn't so alone with my issues.  In addition to the clicking, she just recently gummed my nipple a couple of times, also a new thing, and it kills.  Just the other day I told her "no," pulled her off and let a tear run down my cheek because it hurt so badly.  There were a couple of days there (maybe two!) where I didn't dread feeding her because the nipple pain went away, we were getting the hang of things, and now with the clicking and gumming, the dread is coming back a bit.  It is still better than it was and my nipples are SO much better than they were, but it is still a struggle and makes me upset.  We will get there, I know it, I just wish it were easy for us like it is for so many others.  Everyone has their issues, though, and I AM happy she knows how to do it, can take a bottle and is gaining weight just fine.  So, despite my frustration, she is ok and that is all that matters.

Ashley, Leith and Reggie brought us pizzas the same night as the breastfeeding group and aunt Ashley got to hold Lemon some more while she was over.

We also took Lemon to her first baby shower at our friends Julieta's and Chris' house (one of my new prenatal yoga friends!).  It was fun to see them, meet their friends and family and get out with the baby together.  We can't wait to meet their little girl soon!!!

And Ian and I escaped to the movies and froyo last week while his mom, Grandma Patty, watched the baby for us.  It was fun to get out, just the two of us, and do something you normally can't do with a baby.  Before we left, Lemon peed on grandma, and so Patty had to wear one of Ian's metal shirts, it was too funny!

We took newborn pictures a week ago with June and I can't wait to see them (my next post!).  It was tough!  I thought Lemon would be sleeping the whole time but she was wide awake for most of it, and I was worried we were moving her around too much.  I thought the pics would be easy but they were stressful for a mom - worrying about if she was hungry, if we were keeping her up instead of letting her sleep, if she was going to pee or poop on someone or something (during the naked shots -  she did!).  I got peed on for the first time and that was it, we moved on to clothed shots after that (I also got pooped on this past weekend, at least I was changing her at the time)!  We were worn out afterwards and so all of us took a nap.  But once a again, June did an amazing job - the pics look beautiful!!!  (Stay tuned!)

 (My mom even joined in the fun!)

  (Zip loves when she gets to have my lap back!)

We took Lemon out for the first time to lunch last week too, and it was a successful trip!  I decided that I had to stop being nervous about taking her out so we just went for it.  We took her to PF Chang's which just so happened to be the last place we went right before I had her, our last date just the two of us.  This time we had a muffin in tow and the waitress even recognized us from when I was pregnant - too funny.

We spent a lot of time with aunt Christie these past few weeks.  She came over one night to hang with me while Ian was at practice and then she went to lunch with us, and Target, the other day.  It is always fun having her around, and Lemon loved being carried around Target by her in the sling (and I loved it too, it gave me a break!).  We went to Joe's Farm Grill for lunch and Bahama Bucks (again) for dessert!  Both were so yummy, too bad they are so far away!

I also fed Lemon for the first time, in public, at Joe's, using my Hooter Hider.  I was nervous but it was ok, aside from the fact that I felt like everyone was staring at me. 

 

My mom was a savior these last couple of weeks, again, coming over to help us clean up and watch the baby.  I even taught her how to wear the baby with the sling!  She also came to babysit last Friday so that I could go to one of Ian's shows, his band Snake Burner was playing on Friday and Saturday night and since they usually play late, but this was an earlier show, I wanted to go.  I hadn't been to one of their shows in months, and I was so excited to go with my bestie, to drink, dance and get out of the house!

Saturday night, their second show, was too late and I stayed home with Lemon.  On Thursday, while Ian was at practice, I was successful in getting her to bed at 8:30 all by myself.  Saturday, however, was another story.  I changed her, marathon fed her, swaddled her and put her in her bouncer only to have her wake back up and cry.  Then I changed her, fed her some more and just as I was putting her back in, she pooped again.  It was a crazy night but she was in bed by 10 and I thought I'd want to eat my ice cream and drink some sangria but by the time she finally went to sleep - I was beat and went to bed myself!

(The wake up!)

My mom and step-dad bought us a new camera that we've been wanting for awhile, a Canon PowerShot G12.  It is AWESOME and every time Ian has a free minute he's taking a picture of either the baby, the parrot or one of the dogs - he is obsessed.  So instead of uploading only our iPhone pics, I thought now would be a good time to upload some fancy, new camera pics too!

 

(Accidentally holding the bottle all by herself!)

(Her first shower with daddy was last week, she loved it!  Last night she took a bath with daddy too and loved that as well.  She couldn't get enough of being in the water and having daddy poor water on her.  Definitely a water girl like her mama!)

And more iPhone pics from this past month:

 

(A total mouth breather like her mom and dad.  I wake her up sometimes to feed her and her mouth is dry from being open all night!)

(Thanks again, Julia and Cece for sending us this cute outfit!)

 (I got a 3D ultrasound done at 32 weeks and here are some pics comparing the ultrasound and Lemon on the 2nd day after she was born!  So cool!)

 

(Grandpa Joe, my step-dad.)

(A blurry, smiling pic!)

(Drunk baby.)

 

(The cutest pooping face!)

(Her favorite place to fall asleep, on mommy.)

(First time on her mat, the other day, and she liked it for 2 seconds until she tried to eat something and found out it wasn't a nipple, and cried!)

 (Another thinking picture!)

(Excuse my look, it was early . . .)

 

(. . . and when Ian pulled back the covers, from the pic above, this is what he found!  Funny leg!  Total yoga baby!)

(We took her for a walk a couple of nights ago and I think that was the first time she was awake and outside for a long period of time.  She couldn't get enough of the sky!)

 (Daddy got some great faces that morning!)

Happy one month baby girl!  Daddy and mommy love you so much!  Our lives are so different now but we are adjusting and working together to raise you and make you happy.  I only hope we are doing a good job, and I can't wait for you to one day know just how much we love you.